Life Progress, April 2025

It has been a while since I've written something here, hasn't it? Sure gotta feel like I've abandoned this website...

Anyways, I didn't want this website to remain unupdated for a while like I've had it happen before, and as a way to actually have something put here, I decided to make a general life progress post. There isn't much I can say about mine really, it's not that interesting but, well, if I have to write something here then I definitely should.

Video series

Most of the people here reading this who aren't my friends have likely came here thanks to my videos (or have found this website through my Discord profile). In case it hasn't been made obvious already, I have put the video series on a hiatus. I may have tried to revive it a few times, and have tried to make a "final" video before the hiatus, however I haven't really been able to create anything in that regard.

I have no plans to make a new video anytime soon, especially in the state of motivation that I have right now when it comes to it. I actually do like the video series, however the mental health toll that it takes on me is too much for me to attempt to continue it anytime soon.

If you are really curious whether I am planning to actually continue this video series, I am not really sure myself about that either, although if it does get continued, it will probably be less dark than I originally intended it to be, I am just not skilled enough to write dark stories, especially when my brain isn't cohesive enough to make something that makes sense and will not change radically anytime soon.

Ultimate Compatibility List as a Website

I have made some plans about turning the compatibilty list on my Discord server into a full-on compatibility list website which would list all the compatible software for any release of Windows (other OSes being researched is unlikely). It has been a project that I wanted to work FOR A WHILE to say the least, I am not sure, but I remember mentioning wanting to work on it as early as 2023, and despite that I have not finished it.

So, why is that? Well, first up, lack of motivation and inability to concentrate. Lack of concentration is something that I have suffered for a good portion of my life, and it is the main thing that prevents me from creating more things that I have the will to create, and it is also the reason why there weren't so many videos even before the hiatus. I may have ADHD but I am not exactly sure about that, as I do not have a diagnosis and it will take a while for me to get one.

If you are curious about the current situation of the website, I have unfortunately decided to cancel it as I did with many of my other projects that I've tried to work on. I am just unable to concentrate and actually start working on the project, which sends most of them to a complete development hell of never being finished. I find it personally unnecessary to keep people on the wait when I am unable to deliver anything in the end the way I am right now.

The compatibilty list on my server will obviously continue existing, there is no change in that, even if it has not been updated in a good while, I am not planning to delete it or anything close to that. If you have any suggestions regarding the compatibilty list, you are always free to suggest them on the server.

Gender dysphoria

As a lot of you may know already, I am a trans woman (she/her) and has been for more than 2 years at this point. I have even mentioned that I have transitioned on this website soon after I realized that I was a girl. If you want to know how it is going with transitioning in my life at this moment - it has been just okay. I haven't done much yet sadly, however I am slowly coming out to people in real life, so I do have some positive news regarding that, but my identity is still sadly something that I am only easily able to have online, and I still have a long way to go in real life, but it is slowly getting better, even if it can be hard to even realize that for myself. It is rather saddening to hear what is currently going on in the United States when it comes to trans people, and I do wish for what's going there to improve.

It is still hard to believe that I have been transitioning for more than 2 years, the realization still feels like something that came yesterday. Sometimes I feel like nothing has changed, at other times I feel like I'm a different person from who I was back then. It has always felt weird for me to look back at my old messages and just looking at how much I have changed since then, sometimes even not being able to believe that I said things that I said before, with them being erased out of memory.

Incoherent last paragraph

Sorry if this felt incohesive or unnecessary, I just felt like I had to write something for my website. I want to at least do something considering that I haven't been able to do anything for a while, I am either too tired or unable to concentrate on this website, or if being honest, anything. I wish I could change my life to... not be like this, but I sadly don't have much choice, so I guess I am just going with whatever I have.