It has been a while

Hasn't it been a while since I have made a post on this website? Ain't it? I would say so myself. In fact, half a year! Oh my god! I sure have been anything else but this website. I would say so, a lot has changed in my life. Feeling much better than I used to when I made this website, mentally and physically.

I would have never expected what would happen to me in more than a year after making the website, from just how the website ended up, to where I ended up. When I made this website I was quite a sad, lonely person. I felt like no one ever cared for me, and I really couldn't show who I was to anyone, which is the main reason why I made this website, I just wanted people to know me better.

Another inspiration for the look of the website, is my love towards older technology. I have always loved technology since I was a small kid, from just older software and games, to older computers, graphics cards, motherboards, etc. So it became quickly the main topic of this website. I have attempted similar websites to this one, but I have not got enough motivation to properly do a single page to them. That was about to happen to this website, but I have managed to make pages TIME TO TIME which was a lot better than doing nothing honestly.

Why was I not able to make more pages. I honestly don't know anymore, I have been thinking why, but I just can't think about what to make a page about. I am so stressed everytime that I just can't think about what to make, how to make it. I am so demotivated nowadays that I just feel like I'm going to go insane. I seriously don't know what to do with my procrastionation anymore. I have screwed up everywhere in my life just because of it, or anxiety.

But ever since I stopped posting here for a while, I felt much easier. I think I am overburning myself, and I sometimes don't realize it. If I will do as much of what I want to, I overburn. If I do less, I feel miserable. What do I do?

I should honestly think about what should I do. I just don't feel okay. I should have talked about it earlier, but I am such a closed person, I just cannot even put a word out when I need to. What is wrong with me?

I have been feeling better lately thankfully, I still feel miserable, but less. I have actually felt better enough to begin taking care of myself. Before I used to be so closed and negative about myself that I have not took a shower or brushed my teeth. This is how much I hated myself.

Another thing that has made me feel worse was my gender dysphoria. It was getting worse and worse since I began to notice it, first it began as just a joke I threw around, until I realized I really felt like a girl, so I feel a bit of relief now that I have transitioned, unfortunately only online (or rather as an identity, I guess). I have less pain with this now that I am public of it. But I have really not talked about depression that I have.

All I can honestly say, is that I feel better. Hopefully you all also feel better, even after stress that is going on in real life.